Doubtlessly, this is a title more apt to stir up confusion rather than clarity, annoyance than appeal, not to mention, a physical itch rather than mental one. So to elaborate, while mosquitoes may not be anyone’s favorite insect this does not diminish their topicality. On the contrary, mosquitoes, while having the ability to carry disease, are more commonly regarded, today, as more of an irritation than all else. Now, an interesting facet of folklore is that one of the strongest appeals it can make, on the present generation, is not always through entertainment value but relatability. And, after all, what better encapsulation is there of our common-rooted sense of irritation than in the all too familiar prick of our old friend, the flying biting insect?


There are approximately 3,500 individualized types of mosquitoes in the world and what do they have in common?

They all suck.

With that timeless dad joke, please welcome the next piece into our quaint and curious folk collection. Published all the way back in 1888, “Mosquito Philosophy” is a brilliantly written little exposé that stands the test of time. In tone, it reads like a very early standup comedy routine, and this lost treasure is every bit as good today, as it was over a hundred years ago. Not to mention, it, like any good sketch of humor, attempts to inform as much as amuse. There are gentle creatures, optimists all, of the most aggravating type, who carry their goodness of heart to such an obnoxious degree that they make excuses for the mosquito, and profess to believe not only that he serves some good purpose, but that his crimes are not really altogether villainous, and that he is to be excused for even his most heinous offenses. They say it is his nature to be a curse and that he can not help it, just as if that were any excuse.

Nobody, however, is to be blamed for trying to avoid the infliction of the proximity of mosquitoes, and numberless ways of doing this are recommended by those who haven’t tried them. Oil of pennyroyal* is claimed by numerous theorists to be a sovereign banisher, and some of the theorists actually believe that it would keep the winged pests away if they should try it. It is noticeable that nobody repeats this theory after having given it a practical trial.

* Concentrate from a toxic plant now known to cause nausea, pain, dizziness and vomiting.

It is believed that a solid cage or box of boiler iron, firmly riveted together, and anchored to a cement foundation fifteen feet underground, would be effectual in keeping mosquitoes outside of the space inclosed, but as this has not been practically tried it is more than likely that the pestiferous little demons would find some way of getting inside the box if there were anybody there to bite.

One grand truth has been discovered, however, by a reporter, while spending a few weeks in New Jersey, which he deems too important to the human race to conceal. It is not covered by patent. Anybody can avail himself of it. It is this: The mosquito is more fond of the human leg than he is of the human head, neck or arms. Therefore it is quite practical to preserve the upper portion of the body free from bites, or at least comparatively free, and escape the awful buzz of the little fiend’s songs, by going bare-legged. This is not a practice which is commended for use in daytime, when one is engaged in ordinary avocations, but it is easy and comfortable—excepting for the legs—in the privacy of one’s own chamber and in the still hours of the night. Draw the bed-clothes up high, and, though you may be crippled, you will preserve your facial beauty and your reason.

No one can explain why this is so, of course. If the mosquito were amendable to the laws of reason, and understandable by a mere human mind, he would not be a mosquito.—N. Y. Mail and Express.


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